Picture this: you and your partner stumbling back to the bedroom, getting hot and heavy when, suddenly, you want to slam on the brakes. Whether you’re just not ready to explore certain territories yet or you’re recovering from a previous experience, setting boundaries in the bedroom ensures you both feel safe, respected, and – importantly – in control.
Establishing boundaries means drawing a line between what you (and your partner) are cool with and what you’re not. From pacing yourself to using a safe word, we’ll share the best way to communicate boundaries for an enjoyable and satisfying sexual relationship.
Understand your desires
What’s the saying? You can’t expect someone else to love you until you love yourself and you can’t expect someone to satisfy your desires until you understand them yourself. So, it’s important to take the time to discover what turns you on and off…
So, explore your desires – either by yourself, with friends, or with a trusted partner. You might even experiment with different scenarios and new positions. Knowing what turns you on (and, equally, what turns you off) can help create more enjoyable and satisfying sexual experiences for yourself and your partner(s).
You don’t have to be vanilla about it. Think about exploring BDSM, kink, and other forms of pleasure. You might discover something new that turns you on or find something that you would rather not try. Either way, it’s important to know what you’re comfortable with to set boundaries in the bedroom and ensure everyone enjoys themselves. Not sure where to begin? Sex toys, seductive lingerie, and tantalizing outfits can help get you in the mood.
Go at your own pace and remember you can hit pause if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
Communication is key
Open and honest conversations with your sexual partners are so important – whether you’re discussing likes and dislikes, talking about sexual health and protection, or communicating boundaries. Forget the idea that talking might ruin the mood, consent is sexy – and talking about what you’ll do to each other is even sexier.
Being able to express your feelings freely is a sign of a healthy and strong relationship. If you feel like you can’t, then it’s time to reconsider your situation.
It’s worth remembering that you can change your mind. Nothing is set in stone. You can reintroduce boundaries, set new ones, or further your limits.
Get used to saying (and hearing) ‘no’
When it comes to exploring desires, you – and everyone else involved – should always feel comfortable saying no. Whether you’re not ready to explore a certain kink or just not feeling the moment, it’s okay. Everyone has different boundaries and expectations, so it’s important to respect and accept when someone decides that something is not for them. After all, not everyone will like the same things – and it would be boring if we did.
Consent is key. Before trying anything new, make sure you’ve both discussed and agreed to what you’re doing to ensure everyone is comfortable and on the same page. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing anything.
In the heat of the moment, pay attention to your body’s cues. If at any point, you’re starting to feel uneasy, it’s vital you speak up. Take ownership and create a comfortable, trusting, and honest atmosphere to ensure safety – and pleasure!
Establish a safe word
Safe words are terms that you and your partner agree to use during sex when either of you wants to put the brakes on. Safe words are particularly important if you’re exploring BDSM or kink.
You should establish the word before starting anything. Think of a word that you wouldn’t normally use in regular conversation, like “banana” or “giraffe” – they’re also much more likely to stick in your mind than words like “stop” or “no” (which are words that might be used in certain roleplays).
It’s also a good idea to have a plan of action for when someone uses the safe word. For example, you might stop all activities or agree to continue but try something different.
Safe words are an important part of sexual exploration and knowing you have a safe word to fall back on can help make new activities feel less intimidating. Whether you’re exploring BDSM or just getting to know each other’s boundaries, establishing a safe word is an essential part of enjoying healthy and consensual sex.
Explore safely
Safe exploration and boundary setting are vital to a healthy relationship. And with the perfect toy to get you in the mood, you won’t be afraid to experiment, explore, and spice up your sex life.
