The Art Of Spanking: Introduction, Consent And Different Ways to Play

The art of spanking

As Rihanna put it, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” In fact, they excite many of us. Spanking is a kinky art form that has been around for many centuries. It is a consensual form of BDSM play that involves striking your partner with your hands, an implement like a paddle, crop, or even a whip. 

Despite what fiction might teach us, spanking can be a highly pleasurable and thrilling experience for both partners. In this blog post, we’ll discuss the basics of spanking, consent, technique, and exploration to ensure an enjoyable and safe experience for everyone involved.

What is spanking?

Spanking is a form of consensual BDSM play that involves one person (the spanker) spanking another person (the spankee). It usually involves striking the buttocks with an open hand or something like a paddle, whip, or flogger

Spanking can range from a light and playful tap to more intense pain, depending on what you consent to. It’s a way to achieve pleasure, discipline, or a combination of both. It can also be an incredibly intimate act between two people who share a deep connection and understanding of each other. In fact, studies have shown that spanking can increase oxytocin levels in the body, meaning feelings of closeness and connection.

Why do people enjoy spanking?

Spanking is a part of BDSM play – and can be both pleasurable and punishing. Individuals enjoy spanking for different, personal reasons. As long as everyone consents, spanking is a trusting and exciting way to explore boundaries and kinks. Why might spanking arouse you?

Intense pleasure

Looking to spice up your sex life and experience heightened pleasure? The act of spanking can create a feeling of intense sensation – for both the spanker and spankee – and lead to better orgasms. Spanking can also release endorphins and dopamine, creating a pleasant euphoria.

Power play

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism – dynamics often require one partner to play dom and the other the sub. Spanking is a form of power exchange that can build trust and intimacy between partners. It’s particularly used in kinkier acts, but you might introduce spanking into any sexual activities. 


Spanking is also a type of punishment, often accompanied by humiliation or domination, to create a sense of control and structure in the relationship. But remember that mutual consent and respect are required when punishing for pleasure.

Pain play

Finally, spanking is a safe and consensual way to explore pain play. Both partners must understand the boundaries and risks to explore their pain threshold together. Studies even show that consensual BDSM activities can result in higher levels of mental well-being. 

Different ways to spank

Are you looking for an intimate and intense form of play? There are endless ways to bring spanking into your sex life. Here are a few of the most popular:

  • Over the knee: Also known as OTK, over-the-knee spanking is one of the most common methods – and perhaps what first comes to mind. Whether sitting on a bed, couch or chair, you can lay your partner over your lap and spank them with your hand. 
  • Hands and fists: Up the intimacy and use your hands or fists. Manual spanking can be gentle or hard, depending on what you and your partner prefer.
  • Paddles: If you’re sure spanking is for you, you might invest in paddles for a harder sensation. Paddles come in wood, metal, or leather.
  • Canes: Go a step further with canes that create an even harder sensation. Like paddles, canes come in different materials, sizes, and shapes.
  • Slappers: Slappers are made of leather and provide a sharp sensation.
  • Crops: Crops are often made from leather or plastic to create a stinging sensation. You can vary the feeling depending on how hard you hit against the skin.

No matter the tools and techniques you use, communication is key. Talk to your partner beforehand about what kind of sensations they enjoy and their limits – and make sure to agree on a safe word. 

How to spank properly

You should always respect boundaries and practice safe, consensual play. Spanking is a great way to explore power dynamics and create pleasure, but it can be painful if done wrong. Here are a few tips to spank properly and make sure everyone has a good time:

  1. Start slowly without using too much force. If you’re new to spanking, begin with light taps or strokes and gradually increase the intensity. Communicate as you go, and pay attention to body language to see how your partner responds.
  2. Vary the speed and pressure of each spank to create a more interesting sensation and keep your partner on their toes. You could try slow and gentle strokes, fast tapping, or even light scratching.
  3. Stick to one body part at a time. Generally speaking, the buttocks and upper thighs are all common places to spank. But remember that some areas are more sensitive than others.
  4. Know when to stop. Pay attention to how your partner feels and take regular breaks if needed. Don’t push too far past their limits, and keep communication open to ensure you’re both comfortable.
  5. Remember that spanking isn’t just about inflicting pain. It’s also about creating pleasure. Everyone is different, so experiment with different techniques and areas until you find the ones that work best for you and your partner.

Spanking is a popular kink as it can bring about intense sensations and feelings of pleasure. It makes many people feel more connected and intimate with their partners. Just remember to practice safe and consensual spanking to have a good time. 

Spanking aftercare

Spanking is exhilarating but can leave you feeling a little sore – especially without the proper aftercare. It’s important for both partners to encourage feelings of safety, respect, and trust. Aftercare is also a way to reconnect and bring the focus back to connection.

You might cuddle, talk, hold and massage each other – or just spend quality time together. Everyone’s needs are different, so take time to learn what each individual person needs to feel comfortable and secure. So, consider relationship dynamics in your spanking and aftercare.

Pain is for pleasure

Whether you’re a spanking pro already or want to introduce kinkier acts into the bedroom, remember that pain is for pleasure. Take it slow, talk to your partner, and consider adding exciting toys to your play.

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